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Tonker Halter

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Loyalty [Jun. 24th, 2006|06:21 pm]
Tonker Halter
Ha. Loyalty's a joke. You can't trust anyone. Even if someone seems nice, they're hiding something. And you can't be loyal to someone you don't trust. Yeah, I'm in the army, but that's not out of any kind of loyalty. To hell with Borogravia. I'm only in the Ins-and-Outs to get away, not because I want to help my country or something stupid like that. I just want to get us as far away from the Grey House as possible. I'm loyal to my regiment, I guess, but only so far. Wouldn't want to risk myself or Tilda, if it came to that. I'd help the others, but I'd bolt if it meant being caught and sent back there. And if they know anything about us at all, they'd understand.

Tilda's the only one I'm loyal to. I'd do anything and everything to keep her safe. She deserves someone's loyalty, with all she's gone through.


Muse: Tonker Halter
Fandom: Discworld (misc books)
Word count: 157
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Write about mother (your own or someone else's). [May. 27th, 2006|05:42 pm]
Tonker Halter
[mood |nostalgicnostalgic]

My mother died when I was nine. I can still remember how it was when she was alive, even if it was that long ago. She's one of the few good memories I have- all the hell that happened afterwards wasn't enough to erase the short time of happy.

I remember how she would stand up for me when I got into trouble for being different. Even back then, my father knew something was "wrong" with me. Many a bruise my mum got from trying to keep him away from me, though he never purposely meant to hurt her. Thought too highly of her for that, he did. He never caught on that she was anything more than she appeared. She was the one who taught me to read and write, you know, and that wasn't a normal thing for a woman to know even before the Abominations got ridiculous. More ridiculous. My father definitely didn't know she was learned, because he would have gone spare if he did.

But then she died, and it all went downhill from there. I wish it'd been my father instead.

Muse: Tonker Halter
Fandom: Discworld (misc books)
Word count: 187
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Generally speaking, how do you think others perceive you? [Apr. 23rd, 2006|08:43 pm]
Tonker Halter
Fiery. Angry. Violent. On the edge of sanity. A farmboy. And they'd be right, sort of. I won't deny being any of those things, except the last, and only to those I know won't blow my cover. Nothing wrong with having others perceive you as you actually are.
Except...
Maybe I'm other things, too. I know Tilda, and maybe the other girls the others, see more to me than that.
I'm violent, yeah, but I've never hurt anyone who didn't deserve it. Of course, a lot of people have deserved it, and "deserved" is a bit of a grey area anyway, but I'm sticking to my point. I've only hurt those who had it coming to them. And a lot of my violence comes from being protective. If someone wants to hurt Tilda, they have to get through me first.
...Although that's what blew my cover with the others, wasn't it? Oh, well. I'm no good at hiding what I am. What others perceive me as is probably right.

Muse: Tonker Halter
Fandom: Discworld (misc books)
Word count: 169
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What is the most dangerous thing you have ever done? [Apr. 6th, 2006|06:58 pm]
Tonker Halter
I don't think I've done much that would be considered dangerous. Or maybe not. It is pretty dangerous in Borogravia, especially if you're an Abomination like me. If I had done what everyone wanted, and became a meek little mouse of a girl, then maybe I'd have been safe, but I doubt it. Once an Abomination, always an Abomination. Not like I could be any other way than I am- I'd fight back. Besides, it's been more fun to be a "bad girl", or at least it has been since breaking out. Hmm... I guess that's dangerous. Disguising myself as a farmboy and joining up with the army certainly isn't a safe path, but it's far less dangerous than living in the Grey House. Since looking like boys, Tilda and I haven't been beaten once. Shouted at, yeah, but not beaten.
I don't think I've done anything particularly dangerous. I've had dangerous things happen to me, but I didn't choose to have them happen. Lack of control. There's the story of my life.

Muse: Tonker Halter
Fandom: Discworld (misc books)
Word count: 173
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Write about your father [Mar. 5th, 2006|03:05 pm]
Tonker Halter
Do I have to? Thinking about my father is just going to make me angry. Angrier. Whatever. I could make something up. Like how I came from a happy family and loved my parents and how everything was wonderful and birds chirped and crap like that. Of course, no one would believe me. I'm from Borogravia. There isn't much happy there. So I guess that leaves me with the truth. Great for me.

My father... he's not a good man. At least not to me, and especially not after my mum died. Maybe there isn't a lot of good left in Borogravia, but that doesn't excuse him. He didn't beat me- much- probably because I scared him, but he never stood up for me, either. I was a disgrace; a girl who made a better boy. And that was an Abomination. Any caring father would have loved their child no matter what, even if they were an Abomination. He was just too weak. But not weak enough to not have the courage to send me away. For that I will never forgive him. If there's one thing the Grey House did for me, it was to make me even angrier.

Muse: Tonker Halter
Fandom: Discworld (misc books)
Word count: 200
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Describe your worst failure [Feb. 12th, 2006|10:46 pm]
Tonker Halter
I couldn't protect Tilda. She's all I have, and I couldn't keep her safe. It was bad enough at the Gray House, but then they sent her away to work at a mill. She came back pregnant. He violated my girl, and there was nothing I could do about it. I threw a fit, and they beat me for it. They beat me for caring about her and trying to keep her safe. Then they had the nerve to take the baby away and never told us where it was sent. Not to its father, that's for sure. Tild did manage to blow up the mill before she left. I'm right proud of her for that. But after she had it, they beat her again because she was an Abomination Unto Nuggan. Never mind that she didn't want the child and it was all the mill owner's damn fault. Tilda was an Abomination in their eyes.

But we got out. The basement window was unlocked. I promised Tilda we'd go back next summer- it'll burn better. No one's ever going to hurt her again.

Muse: Tonker Halter
Fandom: Discworld (misc books)
Word count: 184
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Write a letter to anyone about anything. [Jan. 16th, 2006|08:50 pm]
Tonker Halter
[mood |pissed offpissed off]

Father
If I can call you that. In fact, I don't even know why I am writing to you, considering. Must be a woman's weakness. Or, more likely, I am trying to frighten you. You always were frightened of me, weren't you, father? The daughter who made a better son, who tried to be a son, because she knew she could never reach the standards set for a girl. The daughter who could, and did, beat up the boys. Served them right for taunting her, but no, she was the one punished. Always. The daughter who rebelled, who didn't fit what you wanted. The daughter who was different.

So when the stupid Abominations got worse- and mum died- you had reason to send me away, or so you convinced yourself. You wouldn't get in trouble for sending away a "bad" girl. After all, I was just a girl.

Well, I am no longer in the Grey House. And after that experience, I hate you even more, if that is even possible. Let's hope you never have to see me again- I may feel the need to give you reason to fear me. Or maybe I won't. Maybe I'll just vanish into a new persona and start a new life with someone I actually care about. I never was as petty as you, you know.

-Magda



Muse: Tonker Halter
Fandom: Discworld (misc books)
Word count: 225
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(no subject) [Dec. 30th, 2005|09:43 pm]
Tonker Halter
[mood |aggravatedaggravated]

*fiddles with colors*
I can't get this damn thing to look decent. Bugger it! Tilda, I need some help.
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